Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
