My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize