Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
