did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
