When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
