nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Randomize
