I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
