idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
