that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
