i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize