Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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