We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
