someone get that fucking seahorse.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
