OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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