just come out here and I will go home with you...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
