Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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