Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
