she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
