Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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