I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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