we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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