My first STD was from a foam party
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
