Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
