There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
