I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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