it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
