Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
