you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I touched a dick in church today
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
