Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
