They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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