the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
