Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize