There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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