You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
