Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
