Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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