I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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