The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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