At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
