Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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