glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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