he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
