just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
