i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
