Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
third nipple confirmed
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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