he shaved USA in his pubs
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
