he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
