Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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