OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
