Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
