hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Holy sore nipples Batman
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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