Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
