Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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