the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm having to shit out rocks
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