His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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