I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
