the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
