A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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