spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
