I looked at my own cervix.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
