Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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