my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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