Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
