can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
