I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Sober January is a disaster.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
