the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
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