What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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