apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
